From: Stephanie Cordray [xxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxxxx.com]

Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 8:53 AM

To: Xxxxxxxxx@xxx.com

Subject: Man....

Let me tell you a story, not related to writing but related to current events.

James and I had some online friends, one was from Texas, one from the UK… they wanted to be together but it was an impossible situation as neither had the funds to help the other plus one was supposedly married to this abusive fellow who treated her like dirt… well, you can imagine how that pulled at my heartstrings having been in such a situation myself… although I didn't fall in love with anybody else while I was married to the asshole.

Well, James and I, being the kind of people we are, offered them refuge; helped them get on their feet and established. There was this chat program we all loved which had once been supported by msn but was discontinued. Some copies of it had been set up on a private server. When James and I started the hosting business (we started out as resellers for another hosting company) other long time friends begged us to set up another chat server because the other server was more geared toward designing rooms rather than chatting… these others wanted to have their chat medium to just have fun and found they couldn't with the existing server and the group in charge. Before making the decision to start a server or not, we set up a message board (v-chatterbox.net) to discuss the issues and try to work out a partnership and an understanding. Well, that went over like a ton of bricks and the other server group accused of us trying to compete with them … before we ever set up the damn server.

Those friends I mentioned earlier were the ring leaders and were lying though their teeth about a lot of things that should have had nothing to do with the issues at hand but they used those lies to hurt and isolate myself and James… they were telling people that we stayed with them, that they had done all the supporting, and made themselves out to look like great people built on the example James and I set which they took for themselves. How were they able to do that? They were able because James and I never talked about or bragged about stuff like that… we still don't to this day. It's just not our way. If we can help somebody we do it, not to brag and say we are great people for doing it but because that's just the way we were taught growing up… Kindness for kindness' sake, you know? Talk about hurtful… it was beyond hurtful… It was total betrayal of the worst sort. The worst part was that they made out like James was unable to support his family and nothing could have been further from the truth. To a man of James' ilk that's the worst insult he could have received from anyone, let alone someone he thought was a friend. Hell, we even bought all the groceries during that time as well as gave them more money so they could get established on their own… while one of them was working a job at $10/hour and paying nothing toward household expenses. They did spend a lot of money on video games and assorted things for themselves they didn't share with anyone but we never complained about it. When they moved out we gave them furniture (James and I hadn't gotten around to deciding what to get rid of from our combined household yet), more money, and lots of household goods to help them out. I helped them move on the day James and I got married… we had been living together up til that day but the date had been set for months… I had promised to help them move because we had a truck at the time and James could take my car to work but then they decided they had to move on our wedding day and held me to my promise of helping them move although they knew we were leaving for a short honeymoon later that day. I kept my promise although it made a miserable honeymoon trip for James and me.

There is a lot more to this story but that is the relevant part. I totally withdrew from everyone and everything for the longest time. I deleted names off my contact lists and refused emails from anyone… especially those trying to “explain” why there had to be such lies and hurtful deceit going on… and got caller ID on my phone so I could filter incoming calls. Other friendships between people who had been friends since the early to mid 90's were busted up in the ongoing battle between factions and those two walked out of it apparently without a scratch because they were behind the scenes; instigators protesting their innocence while they manipulated everyone else into fighting. They started rumors that soon became “fact” as they were so much larger than life and above reproach that there was no question of their integrity… based on the flimsy transparent life they made of themselves on the internet. Our business server as well as the chat server we did finally set up (a Windows computer which we'll never do again) was hacked by other “close” friends of those two who sat back and reaped the rewards of their destruction. They tried to destroy our business as well as everything else. Sound familiar? What it all boiled down to was the fact that they couldn't live with their real lives and the day to day reality of them. So they created these personae borrowing bits and pieces of others' lives to make them look larger, bigger, better than they honestly were.

As a result of the above, I'm extremely careful who I call friends these days. Neither wealth nor prestige holds any sway with me, but actions always will. I hold back a lot of myself when dealing with people anymore. I hope I still manage to be kind but sometimes I know I'm overly cynical and it shows. This whole thing saddens me beyond belief as I see something from my history being played out again to hurt others whom I consider possible friends. Don't let people like those described above cause such heartaches, headaches, and schisms between people who once dealt honestly and straightforward with each other. You will be the ones to pay the higher price, not them. What seems to be is not always what is.

I wasn't around during the big blow up. I was too busy almost dying. Yet, I'm seeing bits and pieces of it flying around like thrown daggers to stab and wound, often for no reason other than to amuse a certain few. I see once friends turning on each other like rabid dogs, biting, nipping, scratching, and tearing at each other until any good feelings they had toward each other have bled away. I see where the manipulators sit and what strings they pull to get just the right response from the person whom they've targeted today. Is this how you want to live your life, having someone else twitching strings to make you dance to their tune instead of your own?